I miss you. I care about you. Everything that happened between us still lingers in me. you are everywhere to mebut I need to let you go. we aren't anything and I should just face it. As much as I want to believe there was something there. As much as I want to say the goose bumps were real. that we were real. I know pretty soon you will stop chasing after me. And I need you to want me. I need there to be an us. Or I need to believe that there was an us but there isn't.
If I am not yours then why should I even bother?
I need to be strong enough and know that I need to be done with you. If time goes by and you don’t try to talk to me again that is fine I guess I am not in your mind worthy enough. But the past 5 months I have done everything for you. And no, this isn’t me playing hard to get. This is me fed up. you think you deserve a medal for calling me twice, leaving a voice mail and 4 text messages? Well you don’t. Especially after ignoring me for a month. Well now I’m done. Like I said before. And if you get back to me then you do and if you don’t then oh well. Because I need more. And all of our chemistry is nice and beautiful. And you you will always give me goosebumps. I will always see an ocean in your eyes. your hugs will always leave me wordless. I will always think about everything you made me feel. But I need more. And I can’t wait until one day I can be yours. I can’t do this.
thanks to you I am now scared to get close to this new guy I like. Thanks to you I want to run away hiding. Thanks to you I feel myself thinking they are all going to be like you. But what if they aren't like you. What if you have always been one of a kind. A one of a kind jackass. Die an original not a copy right? you had to go out with style making sure you could leave your scent all over me. Leaving your voice all over my answering machine. And I just miss you so much. But I can't. I can't do this.
Dare I even say the words good bye? knowing you won't even care? Dare I even dash out and say anything at all. When I know that will it just trigger you to talk to me again. And every day will get harder knowing I am done. And every day I will struggle knowing I will want you once again. My intentions are always good. But then I think about running into your arms. And I think about your laugh, and oh-my-god I just crash.