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this is going to hurt me way more than it should. But I can't keep playing these games with you.
I miss you. I care about you. Everything that happened between us still lingers in me. you are everywhere to mebut I need to let you go. we aren't anything and I should just face it. As much as I want to believe there was something there. As much as I want to say the goose bumps were real. that we were real. I know pretty soon you will stop chasing after me. And I need you to want me. I need there to be an us. Or I need to believe that there was an us but there isn't.

If I am not yours then why should I even bother?

Right. Perfect.

I need to be strong enough and know that I need to be done with you. If time goes by and you don’t try to talk to me again that is fine I guess I am not in your mind worthy enough. But the past 5 months I have done everything for you. And no, this isn’t me playing hard to get. This is me fed up. you think you deserve a medal for calling me twice, leaving a voice mail and 4 text messages? Well you don’t. Especially after ignoring me for a month. Well now I’m done. Like I said before. And if you get back to me then you do and if you don’t then oh well. Because I need more. And all of our chemistry is nice and beautiful. And you you will always give me goosebumps. I will always see an ocean in your eyes. your hugs will always leave me wordless. I will always think about everything you made me feel. But I need more. And I can’t wait until one day I can be yours. I can’t do this.

thanks to you I am now scared to get close to this new guy I like. Thanks to you I want to run away hiding. Thanks to you I feel myself thinking they are all going to be like you. But what if they aren't like you. What if you have always been one of a kind. A one of a kind jackass. Die an original not a copy right? you had to go out with style making sure you could leave your scent all over me. Leaving your voice all over my answering machine. And I just miss you so much. But I can't. I can't do this.

Dare I even say the words good bye? knowing you won't even care? Dare I even dash out and say anything at all. When I know that will it just trigger you to talk to me again. And every day will get harder knowing I am done. And every day I will struggle knowing I will want you once again. My intentions are always good. But then I think about running into your arms. And I think about your laugh, and oh-my-god I just crash

you are way too old for me. I'm way to young for you.
I thought I wasn't okay with it.

I thought we were just a fling, but I guess I was wrong.
your blue eyes looked too light.
your tattoos looked like too much
But then I started to find myself thinking about you
and texting you too much. And I don't know,
maybe I'm just lonely -- or maybe I'm starting to like you?
14 February 2011 @ 09:52 pm
08 February 2011 @ 07:01 pm
And the faster you realize that; the better.
You may not be as important too that one person, but there is no doubt someone
else who thinks the actual world of you. You are loved. You are important. You are beautiful.
You are worth everything, everything and anything. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you anything different.
You are enough.

14 December 2010 @ 03:28 pm
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17 October 2010 @ 08:48 pm
So here I am wondering how life is without you.
Even though I'm pretty sure I don't want you around. 

And for once I feel happy with my life, with where I am going. With what I am doing. My choices, they are just that - mine. And that's a beautiful thing. But it's also really scary. To sit here and be independent to feel and do just as I please. With no strings holding me back. Sometimes I freak out. but I guess it's better this way, eventually I will be more proud then worried. 

All you have to do is open a photo album and look at the pictures to see what it was like before. But that was then and this is now, and I can't be part of your life, for obvious reasons. I hope you find it in your life. Whatever it is, but I also hope you learn from me walking out of yours. I hope it's a wake up call showing you how to treat people. 

My life changed, and it freaked the hell out of me. Now I'm second guessing everything. It's time I realize that I need to enrich myself. I did this to make happiness come true. I purged people out. I tried to over come things that hurt me. Actions that were done to me. I tried to make it all go away. And now I feel strange, strange but free. 

spending the afternoon wondering when someone is going to get back to you is sick and utterly fucked up. But I guess that's why I'm not being around so many people right now. I'm tired of living life on repeat, watching it all happen over and over.

27 June 2010 @ 12:27 pm
06 June 2010 @ 08:34 am