bittersweet catastrophy

"..just tell me how I got this far"

2009-09-30T02:22:01Z

OK so Steph's party was amazing. But still very dramatic with a lot of family problems going on. I became drunk pretty easily and some how cut my arm open on a table that had the glass top broken. We played drinking games and also girly games like whats in your purse. Michele Graser and her friend Tina showed up too. It's still pretty messed up that Michelle Finnegan never came. I can't believe she would blow Stephanie off like that. I don't know how they can ever really be friends like that. Also Steph's wedding is next Saturday and we are worried about whether or not Michelle is even going to the wedding. Anyways back to the party. The party was nice, but then Stephs mom and her moms boyfriend started fighting. We almost left but decided to stay. We then went in the hot tub when it was freezing, omg it was so cold! And then decided that we would rather go down town and do something. Michele and I hated our clothes. Since it was 12:30 A.M. the only thing open was Walmart in Clarence. We went there and Michele and I only picked up jeans and junk food. After that we got hungry and tried going to IHOP but the gps went out of control and we ended up having to get off an exit at Pembroke. After another 10 miles or so we got to Denny's where we had the creepy ghetto guys and a lot of waiting for our food. I dared Steph to get a number from some guy who was drunk. He wouldn't do it for the sake of his girlfriend. After Denny's we went to another Walmart for Steph's cigarrettes and fuzzy socks. They didn't have any fuzzy socks, but that's okay. We ended up sleeping at a stinky/smoking bedroom at Travelodge. It was awful. And the only reason why we slept there was because the other 6 hotels were all booked.We arrived at the hotel at 5am and had to leave by 12pm. The next morning there was a fiasco at Steph's moms house when she went to get our stuff so Michele, Tina and I went to The Galleria and I bought some stuff at Old Navy. The three of us also ate at Taco Bell.

I made these cupcakes for the party and used star sprinkles.

okay so that's it about the party and the pictures! <3

welcome to hell. or hell part2

2009-06-22T02:46:02Z

Last night Luke slept over and we ate a frozen pizza and drank too much Pepsi.
Then this morning Luke, Shawn and I slept in and then ate Blueberry pancakes
and then watched almost a whole episode of Snorks on the Boomer-rang channel.
Towards the end of the show we were interrupted by a knock on the door. Where the new land lords (which Shawn & I never met) and their real estate agent stood. They came in and asked us if we knew that we had to leave by the end of July. And we told them no. I guess Marlene and Michelle knew since April that the new land lords were going to have their brother move upstairs. I also found out that my apartment was in fact shown without my permission. It just all pisses me off a lot. I mean seriously now I have a month and a few days to find a new place. I looked at two places tonight. I also went to BJ's around 2:00pm with Shawn, Luke, Ryan & Nana. Then we went back to Nana's house and stayed their for a while. Shawn went to Sam's at 5:00pm and I came home and hunted around on craigslist for more apartments. I also chatted on the phone with Stephanie, My Mom and My Aunt Jennifer.

"so fuck you for even existing in the first place."

2009-04-24T17:26:05Z

I have decided to do a favorite list!

movie:
-battle royale

Everything was crazy
I didn't have a clue what to do
and no one to show me, either.
- Battle Royale.

-Donnie Darko
-Garden State

Books:
-Lullaby
-The Perks of being a wallflower
-It's kind of a funny story
-Postcards from Berlin

Music:
-Imogen Heap
-Death Cab for Cutie
-Fountains of Wayne
-Stars

Color:
blue

friend:
Stephanie

boyfriend/boy:
Shawn!

C: okay this post was silly! lol =)

bellenaufrage @ 2008-09-23T12:32:00

2008-09-23T16:48:49Z

the memory of you still marks everything I do.

If it's meant to be, then it will be.

Love is the only answer.
Love is the last real thing that exists.
Love is the only thing left to do.
Everything else is just a train wreck.

I can tell you this much, I will marry just once.
And if it doesn't work out, give him half of my stuff.
It's fine with me, we said eternity.

"people change, and forget to tell each other."

But I need to be next to you.
I need to share every breath with you.
I need to know I can see your smile each morning.
Look into your eyes each night, For the rest of my life.
Here with you, near with you.
Oh I, I need to be next to you
Right here with you is where I belong.
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you.
Without you there is nothing in this life,
That would make life worth living for.
I can't bear the thought of you not there,
I can't fight what I feel anymore.

what is so good about goodbye?

I want to do more than just exist.

we're all addicted to something that takes away the pain.

It's morning time,
I miss your hands on my skin
This bed's too big without you
Oh god, what do i do?
I'm a thousand miles away,
and I'm lying next to you.

credit:
http://www.xanga.com/JBaehr3?nextdate=9%2f6%2f2008+21%3a33%3a46.343&direction=n

angry!

2008-08-25T02:43:07Z

okay so I am not in the best mood right now, to be completely honest. I know that I am probably just over reacting like I usually do. But I just think that if you are changing times of when you are going to be home then your girlfriend should be the first person to find out, not the last! oh wait I'm not even the last because I was never told. UGH. I swear I love Shawn so much, but I am so beyond pissed off. So today I took off like I usually do for Sunday's and Martin ( Shawn's older brother just got out of the hospital. ) so his mom wanted Shawn and his dad to go and see Martin today at 2:00, and well okay whatever I was a little P.O.'d about this to start with 'cause I take off Sunday's for him, and it wouldn't have been such a big deal but this whole month it's been about his friends and his family on weekends and I haven't had any room to breath. So I thought after the whole limo thing that things wouldn't be as messy and out of the color book lines on the weekends, meaning I would be able to see him more and I would get back to my regular schedule of life. But hey you know what I guess I was wrong. so at 1:00 today his dad calls him and now they are meeting up at like 5:00 okay great, whatever that didn't bother me at all. But then earlier and all day he says that he will be home by 10:00 so at 9:00 I texted him telling him that I was with Michelle and I wanted to know when he was going to come home and he tells me that he will be over after the first quarter. It's now 10:40 and I have had no call. I have had just ignored calls and I am almost positive that he has put his phone on silent so he can ignore me. I mean whatever why shouldn't I have thought this was going to happen? His brother hates me. I am sure they are all brainwashing him right now as we speak. Oh and to top things off he called Sam at 6:00 and told him that he was staying to watch the whole, yes THE WHOLE game and that he wouldn't be home until 11:00. DID I EVER GET THE MESSAGE? NO. and at 9:00 did he just tell me that he was ONLY staying for the first quarter. okay so that is why I am mad. I am like fuming. I love this boy but I deff think that I have been lied too. And it sucks because we got into three fights today and like then we were getting along so well and now I don't know. I have no idea what to think. I should have spent the night at Michelle's but instead I came home so I could see Shawn. Whatever, this is ending up to be a really bad day.

bellenaufrage @ 2008-08-18T00:14:00

2008-08-18T04:23:00Z

so here's my update, since I only make one every once and a while, sorry about that, for the people who read this. ( which is very few. ) lol.
not too much is new though, we have new people upstairs well a girl and her two kids. she doesn't seem too friendly. she hasn't even introduced herself yet. But whatever, and the one night she played this weird Indian/classical shit at like two in the morning. on the first day when she was just moving in, the landlord called us of course with all of her bickering and what not like what she always does. haha, it's so funny how much she expects from us right away, at the snap of her fingers and then how little she does for us. and also like the whole reason why she was contacting us is because she wanted me and shawn to be home so that the girl upstairs could bring her couch up stairs and she needed our door open. and like it isn't like we don't have lives, my god. I was working that day from 11am until 9:30 and Shawn was working from 5am - 1-pm and then working out. WE WERE BOTH BUSY, and no we shouldn't have to stop what we are doing just for some girl, who obv as we can see now can't even say hello. yeah so and also the land lord gave me her number in a voice mail and I called her and after I explained it all to this Liz girl that neither of us will be home all day, she had the nerve to say " oh and your door wouldn't happen to be unlocked?" and I am thinking to myself, oh okay so some random girl can go into my apartment that I don't even know, and also let my cat out so I have no idea where he is. But of course I just replied with no. a simple no. I'm not going to bother with her, if she can't bother with me. yeah and also last night me and Shawn and Sam and a bunch of people that I really didn't get along with went to Clifton Hill, CA. It was okay, uncomfortable there and back, and the music sucked but I got to have Smirnoff Ice : Strawberry Acai and that kicked ass! me and Shawn didn't go into any clubs because we are low on money so we just went to the Casino, which was a waste of money but I got to buy myself a drink! lol and their were free Pepsi products on the one floor and also coffee. that was pretty much amazing. On the way back Sam was plastered, lol and everyone pretty much pissed me off. Just think of it as pretty neon lights, rap music that makes you death within twenty minutes, guys thinking that they are all that, so cocky. and him, the one who you can't live without. we ended up leaving two people behind due to Sam being drunk and other people peer pressuring them, oh and some guy my mom used to work with called her a leper and well I realized that the reason why first impressions exist is because without them how would you know how to protect yourself? yeah so and then also last night me and Shawn got into this HUGE fight and I almost thought he was going to leave me in Clifton Hill, omg it was insane. But then we worked everything out, got home at 4am or maybe 5am and slept in until 1:00. Luke was outside with my grandma and I guess Shawn said I had 21 missed calls. See we were supposed to go to the Bison's game, we didn't though because me and Shawn were way way way too tired still. and not to mention we are both really broke. Shawn made me and Luke and himself chocolate chip pancakes and they were super yummy! Later on me and Shawn got into a big fight and it kind of reflected on our fight last night. We are both fine now, and he went to Sam's house and then to Mike P's house to watch wrestling. I went to my grandma's and ate something, since all I had all day was chocolate chip pancakes. I had a salad and some microwaved cheese-y rice and brocolli thing that was way too salty. I also don't have medicade right now but that's okay I just need to get my Planned Parent hood bill paid somehow and go to the dentist so I don't have to have wires go through my cheeks. UGH also I need my shot at the end of the month, gur. LOL. anyways this was a much needed update. I hope you enjoy, below are some new quotes that I will also post on __quotexwhore. <3 :

life is about waking up without regrets,
listening to your favorite song in your underwear and eating ice cream,
it's about having a hang over and not giving a fuck about the people who don't matter.
life is about the one guy who shows you love isn't all about heartaches and broken dreams,
life is about waking up in his arms after the two of you were yelling the top of your lungs at each other
the night before. life is about forgiveness, and pinky promises and never turning the other direction without
knowing the other is there.

But anyways I'm sitting here, typing this, listening to Dave Matthews Band and I can't stop thinking about you,
and how the two of us sound like the couple from The Notebook, and how your name sounds so comfortable
rolling off the tips of my tongue.

And by now, I'm starving for your attention. I would do anything for one taste of your lips, for you facial hair to scratch my neck.
I would do anything for one of your big hugs. I want to smell your cologne on you. I want to feel my hands rush through your
dark brown hair, I want this. I want us, I want this beginning to never be an ending. I want my future in you.

So tell me baby, what's me without you. what's life without all of it's mysteries,
what's life without the two of figuring out the passions of everything?

We took pictures in a trashed Burger King, just freezing together and being stupid.
I remember that I had to keep prying my eyes open,
and the back of my halter top kept coming undone. I wanted a warm bed, and I wanted you.

I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together.

2008-08-09T04:05:50Z

beauty is judged by the size of your
heart, not the size of your jeans.

she said that she wanted to get high; he took her to the tallest hill in town. she said that she wanted to stay up all night & drink; he gave her a 12-pack of caffeinated Pepsi & said, "Drink up." she said that she wanted to shoot herself in the face; he gave her a water gun, put her finger on the trigger, aimed it at her face, & helped her pull the trigger. she said that she wanted to cut herself;
he took a Polaroid of her, handed it to her along with scissors, & had her cut it up. She said that she wanted to see her blood; he took her to get her ears pierced. she said that she wanted to cry herself to sleep; he had her watch a sad, romantic movie before bed. she said that she wanted to be alone; he gave her a name tag that said, "My Name Is: Alone." she said that she wanted to have someone there to take care of her, always; he asked when he wasn't.

the smartest thing I ever did, was take a chance with you.

are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

I'd rather be turning heads than raising eyebrows.

plenty of people ask me if anything is wrong,
but I find that none of them really want to know.

to love someone is one thing,
to be loved is another,
to be loved by the one you love is everything.

and maybe I just laying on my bed, your fingers
intertwined in mine, and listening to your heart
beat as I lay on your chest.

please send me anything but signals that are mixed,
because I can't read your rolling eyes.

people are just stupid, and they want to be loved.
it's the only reason why they do anything.

I mean what was I expecting,
flowers and an I'm sorry card? this is a male
we're talking about. a pennis carrying male,
who was I kidding?

some people refuse to settle for anything less
than butterflies.

none by me =D
comments are lovely.

bellenaufrage @ 2007-06-03T21:39:00

2007-06-04T01:41:53Z

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**Comment To Be Added.